New Year's Resolutions

I will not be making any New Year resolutions this year, my ambitions for wealth, health and happiness have always fallen short so best to be realistic, 2010 will be ghastly. I certainly will not be making any free fall parachute jumps, tandem or otherwise, not that I am chicken you understand.  Nor running a marathon nor any fraction thereof, it is 28 years since the last one and I am still recovering.

But there is no need to worry about getting fit this year, once an athlete always an athlete. It’s in the genes I guess?  The body has evolved through years of solo racing to the optimum morphology for peak performance in this most demanding of sports. The low centre of gravity demanded by deck work in rough seas is achieved by years of slumping at the computer, typing drivel. This routine has the added benefit of encouraging the quads to waste away as if orbiting in the international space station. The slack abdominal muscles and lateral ‘love handles’ are crucial to the pear shaped silhouette that turns the girls heads on race docks everywhere. One added benefit of six months incarceration in front of the PC is the pale face complexion , like blanched rhubarb under a galvanised bucket, ideal for reflecting the searchlight of the air sea rescue helicopter and much cheaper than a SART transponder.

Hang on I hear you say, surely typing is not sufficient exercise for the arm muscles, even if you use one finger on each hand alternately? Correct, the best rehabilitation exercise for the biceps and triceps over winter is the hoisting in of foaming pints (0.568 litres) of real ale at the perfect temperature (Adnams 14⁰C, Bombadier 12⁰C). It is important to change hands after every pint in order to avoid asymmetric muscle development in the favoured arm, so if you witness a couple of chaps performing an elegant ‘dos-a-do’ at the bar you are  probably in the company of dedicated single-handers  completing a set of a heavy winter training programme.

Being boat-less this year for the first time in ages at least removes the obligation to make lists of all the jobs and purchases for the coming season. I can cross off the list:
Fit the winter cover before the end of February, ditto winterise the engine.                                 
Resolve to buy all the new electronics at the boat show to get the best price.
Must speak to the sail maker about that crap un-trimmable spinnaker he sold me last year.
Get the IRC revalidation form in early, do a trial certificate without the fridge and curtains.
Re- tape the broken strands in the portside cap shroud, only joking, it’s a lower.

by Jerry Freeman.